I haven’t been blogging much lately because I have been devouring parenting books (and, I admit it, The Hunger Games trilogy). As with everything parenting, there are a TON of different ideas out there about what even makes a good parenting book (or blog) much less the different advice that’s to be found. Some people are even firmly against parenting books, or only ascribe to one and that is their parenting bible. That’s fine, if that works for them. But, I think you learn a lot more if you take a variety of books and blogs and pick and choose different ideas from them. You don’t even have to read through the entire book or blog, I certainly don’t… skim, flip through the index, grab a chapter here and there, and replace it until I start saying things like “Is that normal?”…”Ugh, how am I supposed to handle that?!” and my intuition just isn’t cutting it.
Now, I’m not saying you have to go all over the spectrum and get the most attachment parenting blog you can find and then go find a hard-core spanking-is-awesome book to balance it. Say, for example, you like some of the stuff you’ve heard about attachment parenting…go grab a book on that…but make sure you get a few different resources by different people and of varying degrees of attachment-ness. This is because (and please remember there…here I’ll bold it for you…italics too):
Everyone is different: every parent, every child, every situation.
That said, it comes as no surprise that one book is not going to work 100% for you and your situation and your child. I have books that I absolutely love part of and other parts I just shake my head and say “nope not for me” and that’s ok. It doesn’t make it a “bad” book on parenting, or breastfeeding, or whatever the theme is….you just have to be a sound and open-minded consumer and know, going in, that there is not one-size-fits-all book or philosophy for parenting (I mean, wow, have you seen all the parenting stuff on Pinterest?). Also, when you get a new idea don’t be afraid to toss it out if it just doesn’t feel right once you start implementing it or you get it all settled in and look at how the idea affects other parts of your life and go “ugh this has made x, y, and z worse…crap.”
So that’s why I read a few different parenting books, usually all at the same time (I was an English major, don’t judge me). But what makes me turn to parenting books in the first place? My kids are pretty awesome, and most people (when I say I’m reading a parenting book) either say “What for?” or “Oh, that’s how you do it.” But here’s my secret (seriously, don’t tell anyone it will ruin my MO) …. I have no freaking clue how I’m doing it most of the time…I think I’m just lucky and the genetics matched up right! I’m at a total loss as to what to do some times and other times I’m just going “Is this normal?” (like tonight, my 3-year-old was in bed and I caught him licking the wall). Oh and my other secret, since I’m telling secrets tonight….I don’t care about folded laundry, I just want a pile of clean clothes and we’ll pull our daily wear out of that … see you’re not the only one who does that 
Anyway, back to the books.
I use parenting books (or articles) to….
- Reassure myself that my kids are on track developmentally. If something seems amiss, I feel like I’m not just relying on my pediatrician to catch it, I have another reference.
- Know they’re normal. When others in my children’s life have me convinced something’s wrong with them, I have a few books that are really great at explaining exactly how kids usually behave at each point in their lives (and guess what…they’re normal!!). My current favorite, for those curious, is It’s A Boy!. They walk you through a boy’s development from birth through 18 years and talk about everything from rough housing to girlfriends to heading off to college. (They also have It’s A Girl!, I haven’t read it but it’s by the same authors so it’s probably just as good….I will be buying it if I ever have a girl.)
- Cue me in on things that I didn’t experience as a kid, like good ways to handle sibling rivalry. I have a brother, 2 years younger than me, but he’s developmentally disabled and (while we fought like most other siblings) I feel like my relationship with him is not necessarily comparable to the relationship my boys will have. My favorite for this right now is Siblings Without Rivalry which is another one that takes you up through the teenage years.
- Know what to do when they’re sick. I like having a solid medical book that takes a common sense approach and explains things well. The one I keep on hand is Your Child’s Health. While I don’t agree with some of the parenting tips, I like the way the medical stuff is explained and there’s a great chart on giving OTC meds to children based on weight.
- Help me think. Most of all, well maybe second most of all (first most is helping me know my kids are normal), they give me ideas and ways to think about things that I hadn’t thought of before! Even if I don’t put the suggestions into practice, or ascribe to the philosophy, the books get me thinking about my own philosophy or style of parenting. And, at least for me, sometimes I get so caught up in the behavior issue, the frustration, the need to fix it and make it stop that I forget to look for the root cause and address that. Reading a good parenting book that is at least semi in line with my ideas about how parenting should go, really helps me find those root problems and address them.
- Inspire me to be a better parent!
Since there are so many parenting books out there, and articles and blogs, it can be tough wading through to find the few gems that will help you and your family. Reviews that bloggers write are often helpful, but friends and family whose parenting style you like are great resources. I get most of my recommendations from a good friend of mine, and I’ve given her a few recommendations that she’s found especially useful. But, stay away from Babywise, Preparation for Parenting, or any other Ezzo book! The AAP actually has a warning out about the dangers of following Ezzo’s programs.
What is your favorite parenting book?
Thanks and Happy Parenting!
